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I once got an opening message reading, “Do you like sex? A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames. ” Others try something more probing like “How long was your last relationship?” And some very misguided guys blunder into inappropriate dating questions.The problem is that we don’t; we expect the other person to do the heavy lifting – to make the plans, to ask the silly questions, to raise the playing field.For many people, putting together a dating profile is the easy bit (although believe me, there are plenty who find this task nearly impossible).They even think that chatting in emails or on the phone isn’t so bad either but when it comes to actually going out on a date — the very reason they were online dating in the first place — this is where they panic. They worry they’ll get found out (whatever that means) or that they’ll get tongue-tied and have nothing to say.
I seem to run into this a lot and haven’t seen this addressed.
but I still get no questions in return to start a conversation. If you want to know why your email correspondence online is generally flat and falls apart after a few emails, you have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your part in it. ” “Yes, but it’s a lot easier when he says something and I can respond to him.” “I agree.
Just today, I was on the phone with a client who was sharing the same experience with me: “ It wasn’t until she showed me one really GOOD email from a guy that she started to get it. But look at the emails you write back to the boring men.
I asked this client what made this email exchange different from the other exchanges. I mean, from the majority of your emails, you sound really boring, too.
And yet this one guy with the trivia questions was able to bring out your playful side.” The moral of the story is that you are ALWAYS responsible for how you leave a conversation. By being optimistic, playful, interested and interesting, you can almost always transform any evening into a pleasant experience.
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In my first email, I usually ask a few questions and figure the female will answer them, which they usually do, but then they don’t ask anything of me but still seem interested.